Wednesday, December 22, 2004

My true love has a bigger house than me

Actually, that's not true. My true love lives with me.

But really, if on day 1 my true love gave me a partridge in a pear tree (gee, thanks hun!), and then on day 2 gave me 2 turtle doves (eh?) and another partridge, in another pear tree, I'd be getting suspicious. And cramped.

But what the heck am I going to do with:

12 Partidges (all in their accompanying pear trees)
22 Turtle Doves
30 French Hens
36 Calling birds (just think of the racket!)
40 Gold Rings (Okay, the ones I can't pawn, I can melt down)
42 Geese-a-laying (lucky old geese!)
42 Swans-a-Swimming (Where? Who's got a pond big enough for a flock of swans?)
40 Maids-a-Milking (No cows though. Best leave that one there, I think...)
36 Ladies Dancing (Now you're speaking my language!)
30 Lords-a-Leaping (36 ladies + 40 maids, and only 30 Lords. I like those odds!)
22 Pipers piping (The neighbors are going to have something to say about this...)
12 Drummers drumming (...And this!)

I can't fit them all in my flat. And who's going to pay for the upkeep? I mean, most iof the birds I can just feed seed, but Lords? They'll be wanting proper food for sure. Okay, I'm thinking in a while I'll have a surfeit of geese, but that'll take a little while to come through.

Drummers and pipers? Dammit! Do you reckon I can retrain them? Wouldn't it have been better to just give me 34 multi-skilled labourers? They can give me a hand cooking for the 106 other people I've got cluttering up my 1-bed flat.

A bit of forethought next time, I think.

'My True Love'. Hah! You don't know me at all, do you?

Just wanted to share.

No comments: